mukashi mukashi nanimo ga arimasen deshita

I've caught up. Wow. Well, skipped passed wilwheaton's entries to read directly from his site, and I ended up trimming three communities and one friend (no relationship developed, so I don't mind), but it's still QUITE the accomplishment. I'm sure Alana will be proud of me, too... ^_^; (I was on the computer from 3:30 am until she (justifiably) bitched at me for waking and keeping her up at 5:30 am. I didn't know she had woken up.)
So... Yeah. Don't you love that kind of insomnia where you know you'd go out like a light if you tried, but for who-knows-why, the idea of going to bed makes you queasy? I thought maybe I'm uncomfortable trying to sleep when the whole city is. budwin suggested that it has to do with being disturbed by its emulation of death, assuming after death comes oblivion. I figure the reasons vary, and that sometimes there's more than one reason.
And of course it couldn't POSSIBLY be (sub?)conscious anxiety. What a silly proposition.
Finished The Princess Diaries: Princess in Pink last night. TOTAL fluff, but when Mia's not totally "Michael and I could never ever part for we are self-actualized soul mates", it's really quite enjoyable fluff. ^_^
So, one of my friends whose identity I don't feel comfortable giving out seems to be having a rather tough time right now. When she came online last night she wasn't at all in the mood to talk to me, and I doubt to many others. (She did tell me she was actually on to look for someone, so I'm sure she wanted to talk to that person. ^_^) Still, it felt weird...
Anyways, to said person, in case you try to feel bad about your actions towards me (ie. "I'm a bad friend" or "why did I push her away?" or whatever), don't worry. I would be lying to say that I fully understood, but I respect and trust your emotions, and the last thing I ever want to do is make you feel worse and/or mad. I'm sorry for babbling so much, but thank you for firmly reminding me of your mood.
And fyi, person, you owe me a you-prompted convo at a time that you think you'd enjoy it. I won't stop saying hi when you sign on, of course. =P
In other news... My tongue is a disaster area. You know those little bumps you get on your tongue when you burn it? Well, I have those on the tip of my tongue, plus about four humongous ones (about a centimeter in diameter), and they HURT. On top of that, I'm too much of a wuss to use chloraseptic spary on it (Dad told me it tastes NASTY). Eventually I settled for putting wax on what I believe caused the irritation to prevent further irritation. They only hurt when they're being irritated, and I'm sure they'll grow even bigger and easier to irritate if I don't stop from irritating them.
Wow, that was NASTY pragmatics... ^_^;
I can't believe I got less than 2.5 hours of sleep last night. Why aren't I feeling it more? Anyways, I should attempt to take an early "nap" (neither Ann nor Alana have arisen - no pun intended) if I'm going to be forced to go places and visit people today.
Too much homework... All I can say is, I definitely could have better use of my own-fault insomnia. Blech.
Oh yeah! Remember when I said I was on the pill? The pill is ortho tri-cyclen. What I'm taking is actually an antibiotic called tetracycline. You can understand how I'd be confused. (For those of you who don't know, the pill is often used to control acne; in women acne breakouts are often cyclic, the pill works by maintaining certain hormone levels, and you get the drift.)
Anyways. For whatever reason I really WANT to write more, but I can't think of anything non-blathering to say but:
To all you Christians and Easter-celebrating secularists - Happy Easter. I hope you enjoy plenty ofjunk food which I am currently incapable of ingesting without choking or sneezing. =P
OH! OH OH OH OH! Before I leave, FUNimation has LICENSED KODOMO NO OMOCHA. This is NO RUMOR. It was anounced at Anime Boston, and the proof is here. YAY!!!!!
Must save money, and must ask deists to pray that they won't stop in the middle. ><;
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In the words of Miss Clavel.

In the words of Miss Clavel: something is not right.

I have many different low-level anxieties facing me from many directions, creating a discomfort in me which is both more and less than the some of it's parts.  It's like...  I have a large window, and each anxiety is a differently colored piece of filter plastic.  Rather than the each piece covering a separate part of the window, blocking out the "white" but allowing in light, it's all piled one on top of another so while I can see the light around the edges, the center where the plastic is is a brown that is almost black.  While I'm grateful to still be able to see that light, the black brown is incredibly distracting when trying to live my life.  I suppose what I need to learn to do is turn away from the window when I need to concentrate (ie. on schoolwork and other commitments), but I feel as if the moment I look away something bad will happen outside that window, and that by the time I look back I'll be to late to do anything.  Of course, it could also be that even while watching out the window, whatever danger would be blocked by that black brown.  The only way I can feel safe and productive is to either take down those pieces, or spread them out so it'll be easier  Even if it means more of the window is distorted by color,  that's much better than not being able to see at all out of that central patch, right?

Argh.  It feels like a really appropriate analogy, but by trying to explain every possible combination and permutation I just make it harder for others to comprehend...

Why is it so hard to remove or even relocate those pieces, anyway?