In the words of Miss Clavel.

[tsukikage]

In the words of Miss Clavel: something is not right.

I have many different low-level anxieties facing me from many directions, creating a discomfort in me which is both more and less than the some of it's parts.  It's like...  I have a large window, and each anxiety is a differently colored piece of filter plastic.  Rather than the each piece covering a separate part of the window, blocking out the "white" but allowing in light, it's all piled one on top of another so while I can see the light around the edges, the center where the plastic is is a brown that is almost black.  While I'm grateful to still be able to see that light, the black brown is incredibly distracting when trying to live my life.  I suppose what I need to learn to do is turn away from the window when I need to concentrate (ie. on schoolwork and other commitments), but I feel as if the moment I look away something bad will happen outside that window, and that by the time I look back I'll be to late to do anything.  Of course, it could also be that even while watching out the window, whatever danger would be blocked by that black brown.  The only way I can feel safe and productive is to either take down those pieces, or spread them out so it'll be easier  Even if it means more of the window is distorted by color,  that's much better than not being able to see at all out of that central patch, right?

Argh.  It feels like a really appropriate analogy, but by trying to explain every possible combination and permutation I just make it harder for others to comprehend...

Why is it so hard to remove or even relocate those pieces, anyway?

Comments

[jadeejf.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[tsukikage85.livejournal.com]

*hugs back*
Thank you.