it's a strange time and culture we live in

[tsukikage]

You know, I was talking with ellie_desu about this, but it's really weird how I seem to have some aversion to calling anyone but my teachers Mr. or Mrs. Last-name (or Prof. Last-name now that I'm in college) unless they expressly ask me to. Like, with Patrick's parents, I simply avoided calling them by name because "Nancy" and "Gene" seemed to personal, but "Mrs. (?) Vernon" and "Mr. Monnig" were way too formal. And even with my friends' parents that I see less often than I saw Patrick's parents, I still can't bring myself to call them "Mr." or "Mrs.". I think maybe it has something to do with me being raised in a Quaker family. (To give you a clue, at the Quaker elementary school my sister went to, all the teachers went by their first names. Equality has always been a really big part of Quakerism, thus all the "thee" and "thou" speech you might see in some Quaker contexts.)
But I can't say it's necessarily about equality for me. After all, I always get a bit huffy when someone I don't really know tries to use short-form or drops -san with me. (Although I'm sure I would allow it much early than any Japanese person would.) Then again, maybe I am more into the equality bit, because I don't think I would mind someone younger than me using short-form with me, such as my campers from Sechibaru no Ie.
(Speaking of my campers, I need to e-mail them all. ^^;)
The question is, what would I want people calling me? I probably won't know until I get to that point, but if only because I'm not used to hearing my last name, I might just have go with "Nastassja". Maybe "Ms. Nastassja"? ^_^;
BTW, I've more-or-less decided that when I get married, I'm keeping my last name. It's had a lot of time to grow on me. ^_^ (I suppose this means I can't get married in Japan... *shakes my fist at stupid Japanese laws*)
In any case, it's a strange time/culture we live in that we would feel discomfort at adressing people politely.
What about you guys? How do you deal with calling adults by name?

Comments

[hampster-cowboy.livejournal.com]

I've always called my friend's parents {friend's name}'s mom/dad. If I'm especially close with them (like my friend Jesse's parents) I sometimes just call them "mom" and dad". But in general conversation, I just try to avoid the use of names at all (less out of hesitation to be polite, but from a bad memory of names...)

[tsukikage85.livejournal.com]

See, that's just weird. :-P

[hampster-cowboy.livejournal.com]

Never claimed otherwise.

[tsukikage85.livejournal.com]

BTW, love the Thanksgiving comic.
Do you know why they call them that?

[hampster-cowboy.livejournal.com]

No, but it's the same in Japanese...
七面鳥　（しちめんちょう）(칠면조)
Asians clearly don't get the turkey.

[hitokiri-neko.livejournal.com]

In conversation and talking about them, it's usually [name]'s mom/dad. Mostly because I fail at names. When talking to them names aren't usually necessary. And I'd avoid them anyway, because I fail at names. Pronouns, ftw!

[ellie-desu.livejournal.com]

I've never called adults by their first names. I just can't.

[carve037.livejournal.com]

I try to avoid addressing them by name at all. I've known Colin's folks for years and I still haven't figured out whether to call his mom Lois or Ms Welch.

[lugia222.livejournal.com]

I almost always refer to my Professors by their first names while talking about them, but when talking too them, I can never decide if I should say Professor or Dr. In general, I always find talking to them and/or e-mailing them chou awkward, so I generally avoid it. Hahaha...

In Japan, is the woman forced to take her husband's name? That's weird.

[carve037.livejournal.com]

I don't know if it was ever enshrined in law, here, but it used to be so expected that a law would have been superfluous. It's a really recent development that women even in the States have the option not to.

[tsukikage85.livejournal.com]

That's what they said on the J-List e-mails, anyway. I suppose I could do some research to verify it. (They're also forced to change their name back if they get divorced.)
As for Prof. vs. Dr., I figure they're both polite enough, but I lean towards Prof. if only because a few of them may not actually hold Ph.D.s yet, and I don't want to make a mistake.

[tsukikage85.livejournal.com]

Seems I'm wrong. The law is that they're required to share a name, not that they have to take the husband's name. Course, I suppose that leaves me in the same situation as I doubt any Japanese person would want a katakana last name.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Married_and_maiden_names#Japan

[akaneko.livejournal.com]

I think this is a generational awkwardness most of us suffer from - the Baby Boomers grew up calling adults by Mr/Mrs Last-Name, but many of them prefer being called by their first name by anyone they know personally and dislike the formality of being addressed by their family names by people who's relationship with them is friendly rather than professional, and so OUR generation is stuck in eternal confusion as to whether to call adults by their last names or family names. I default to calling instructor-folk by their last name and title unless specifically told otherwise, but for other adults, I try to avoid having to use their names at all unless they've specifically told me what to call them before.

I tend to prefer a pretty low level of formality in how people address me, but I DID catch myself being pretty annoyed at a Mori no Ike Village Weekend program when a camper called me by my camp name without any suffix at all. I'M A SENSEI, *PROFANITIES!* XD

[tsukikage85.livejournal.com]

It's all the baby-boomers' faults!