one of my two phobias

I have death on my mind pretty much all my waking hours again, and it's making my life pretty crappy. Makes it hard to study, hard to sleep, hard to enjoy myself... Whenever I'm like this I realize too that however I learn to deal with it and not be so stressed out, it's not going to change the outcome...
I kind of hope this has something to do with my evolutionary drive to stay alive, and after I start raising kids (either ones I passed my own genes to or adopted) the feeling will ease.
I also hope this is some divinity that exists' way of answering my prayers by prodding me to seek them more fully, rather than putting it off endlessly because I feel I'm too busy or what have you.

LJ hates me and won't let me see the results of my own poll (even the girls one, which I voted in), so we're gonna do this informally.
Please reply to this post with your opinion on goatees and the sexiness thereof, and whether you're a guy or a girl (since the person I'll be showing the results to doesn't know you guys).
For my part, I think they're okay, and can add to the cuteness of some guys (mainly if it adds to a geeky feel), but I don't think it MAKES someone hot, and in general I'm ambivalent.

今日集会に行こうかな。

'kay, so, Kuwahara-san in episode 10 of Bambino... He says "that was a joke" in the most serious tone I've ever heard. ^^;

ARASHI PVs make me laugh. And that's mostly at, not with.
My dog smells like... dog. And after petting him, so does my hand. *goes to wash it*

Oda-san + karaoke + TALKING! OMG!

sleep

"Sleep is practicing for death."
I'm watching this program on ABC about different religious around the world called In God's Name, and I knew that part was coming. Luckily it was both short and I handled it pretty well. Still, that sentence pretty much sums up (I think) why I get so uneasy about going to sleep at night.