[DL] too much to say
Dec. 9th, 2003 09:52 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tsukikageI really should be working, shouldn't I? But you know what: I DON'T CARE! And besides, this IS my free period... Why should I feel guilty?
I have so much to say... (Let's see if I can remember it all. ><;)
Umm... Let's start with what's most important in my mind. I had conversation with Nikko on AIM the other day. Unfortunately I closed the window before saving it, but I'll still remember what she said. As a little background information, I went all PMS/insecure Nastassja on her a couple weeks back. I told her that she feels more like a memory than a friend, which is true, but I went on to just say "screw this friendship we've had for four years". Then when she tried to talk to me about it, I said never mind and signed off AIM. I can be a real bitch sometimes...
Anyways, I decided that I needed to at least listen to what she had to say, so I did. My memory fails me now, but basically she said that friendships don't just fade away with lack of contact. She told me about how she felt the same way when her best friend moved up north, but then when they got together again they realized they were as good of friends as ever.
While it's true that friendships don't just "fade away", at least not in such a short period, people do grow bitter. And I did. To be honest, I think it may be one destructive thing about open diaries: people expect their friends to write about them, and feel cast aside when they don't or they're written about less than other people. Or maybe that's just me; maybe I'm just more jealous than most.
That may even be what this situation boils down to: jealousy. I didn't get to get together with Nikko much when she was in high school, and now I'm jealous of how much time she spends with her college friends. I assume that the reason that she doesn't spend that much time with me is because she doesn't want to, rather than the more obvious answer that she shares the same classes with them, eats at the same table with them, lives less than three blocks from them... And maybe she is closer to them than we are, maybe not, but that doesn't mean our friendship isn't worth anything to her, or else she wouldn't have gotten so angry at me.
I don't know... I wish I weren't so damn insecure in my relationships. I get worried that my friends don't really want to be with me, and then I get worried that they don't want to be with me because of how I act because I'm worried they don't really want to be with me. It's so STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID.
Hontou ni gomen nasai, Nikko.
Anyways, I'm sure you want to hear about something else, now...
I've been listening to Barenaked Ladies: Everything to Everyone and I've totally fallen in love with "Another Postcard:
"Some chimps in hard hats, chimps a-working on a chain gang / Some chimps who love cats, burning rubber in a Mustang / A birthday-wishing chimp, a chimp in black like a goth / A goin' fishin' chimp, a British chimp in the bath"
Hee hee hee. ^_^
Apart from the silliness, though, they really have some beatifully disturbing songs. I'm not just talking about the romance of angst, but a true gift they have for making you know EXACTLY what they mean. There's this one stanza from "War on DrugsEthat just sends a strangely comforting shiver down my spine:
"In the dream I refuse to have / She falls asleep in a lukewarm bath / We're left to deal with the aftermath again"
Yea, it's just a great album. GO BUY IT! (Or, better yet, buy the special edition with DVD.)
Moving on:
Math meet was yesterday. There are three people competing for the A-D position. Going in: Sergey Berg, 10th grade, 3 on A, 3 on D, 6 total; Daniel Oppenheimer (scoring team), 11th grade, 5 on A, 5 on D, 10 total; me, 12th grade, something on A, something on D, 9 total.
Going out: Sergey, 3 on A, 5 on D, 14 total; "Opie" ("Oppie"?), 7 on A, 3 on D, 20 total; me, 7 on A, 3 on D, 19 total.
Damn it. At least I still have a chance at going to state...
What really amuses me is that Vinny went from planning to ask out Fritzy to asking out Ting-Ting IN ONE DAY. Ting-Ting, thinking he was only wanting to hang out, gave him her phone number. Once I pointed out that he was in fact asking her out, she was highly amused. She was kind of confused, though, since he had never talked to her before. She said that she even went up to him and said hi at meet 1, and he didn't really say anything back. When I talked to Vinny, it was as I suspected: he froze. Poor Vinny... =P
So, I wish both of them luck.
Argh - lunch. g2g
I have so much to say... (Let's see if I can remember it all. ><;)
Umm... Let's start with what's most important in my mind. I had conversation with Nikko on AIM the other day. Unfortunately I closed the window before saving it, but I'll still remember what she said. As a little background information, I went all PMS/insecure Nastassja on her a couple weeks back. I told her that she feels more like a memory than a friend, which is true, but I went on to just say "screw this friendship we've had for four years". Then when she tried to talk to me about it, I said never mind and signed off AIM. I can be a real bitch sometimes...
Anyways, I decided that I needed to at least listen to what she had to say, so I did. My memory fails me now, but basically she said that friendships don't just fade away with lack of contact. She told me about how she felt the same way when her best friend moved up north, but then when they got together again they realized they were as good of friends as ever.
While it's true that friendships don't just "fade away", at least not in such a short period, people do grow bitter. And I did. To be honest, I think it may be one destructive thing about open diaries: people expect their friends to write about them, and feel cast aside when they don't or they're written about less than other people. Or maybe that's just me; maybe I'm just more jealous than most.
That may even be what this situation boils down to: jealousy. I didn't get to get together with Nikko much when she was in high school, and now I'm jealous of how much time she spends with her college friends. I assume that the reason that she doesn't spend that much time with me is because she doesn't want to, rather than the more obvious answer that she shares the same classes with them, eats at the same table with them, lives less than three blocks from them... And maybe she is closer to them than we are, maybe not, but that doesn't mean our friendship isn't worth anything to her, or else she wouldn't have gotten so angry at me.
I don't know... I wish I weren't so damn insecure in my relationships. I get worried that my friends don't really want to be with me, and then I get worried that they don't want to be with me because of how I act because I'm worried they don't really want to be with me. It's so STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID.
Hontou ni gomen nasai, Nikko.
Anyways, I'm sure you want to hear about something else, now...
I've been listening to Barenaked Ladies: Everything to Everyone and I've totally fallen in love with "Another Postcard:
"Some chimps in hard hats, chimps a-working on a chain gang / Some chimps who love cats, burning rubber in a Mustang / A birthday-wishing chimp, a chimp in black like a goth / A goin' fishin' chimp, a British chimp in the bath"
Hee hee hee. ^_^
Apart from the silliness, though, they really have some beatifully disturbing songs. I'm not just talking about the romance of angst, but a true gift they have for making you know EXACTLY what they mean. There's this one stanza from "War on DrugsEthat just sends a strangely comforting shiver down my spine:
"In the dream I refuse to have / She falls asleep in a lukewarm bath / We're left to deal with the aftermath again"
Yea, it's just a great album. GO BUY IT! (Or, better yet, buy the special edition with DVD.)
Moving on:
Math meet was yesterday. There are three people competing for the A-D position. Going in: Sergey Berg, 10th grade, 3 on A, 3 on D, 6 total; Daniel Oppenheimer (scoring team), 11th grade, 5 on A, 5 on D, 10 total; me, 12th grade, something on A, something on D, 9 total.
Going out: Sergey, 3 on A, 5 on D, 14 total; "Opie" ("Oppie"?), 7 on A, 3 on D, 20 total; me, 7 on A, 3 on D, 19 total.
Damn it. At least I still have a chance at going to state...
What really amuses me is that Vinny went from planning to ask out Fritzy to asking out Ting-Ting IN ONE DAY. Ting-Ting, thinking he was only wanting to hang out, gave him her phone number. Once I pointed out that he was in fact asking her out, she was highly amused. She was kind of confused, though, since he had never talked to her before. She said that she even went up to him and said hi at meet 1, and he didn't really say anything back. When I talked to Vinny, it was as I suspected: he froze. Poor Vinny... =P
So, I wish both of them luck.
Argh - lunch. g2g