[DL] Why doesn't my sister trust me?
Jul. 16th, 2003 08:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tsukikageI have quite an entry for you all...
Had English today. Started on our biographies. My group won't communicate with me.
Nastassja: Who do we want to do.
Group: We're doing Poe.
N: *thinks: well, thanks for giving me a part in deciding; sees the group behind us signing up for Poe*
N: Oh, another group already signed up for Poe. How about Jack London?
G: *looks through book, ignoring my question*
Grr... I'm just gonna do the stupid project on my own. They can do their own if they want. I don't think they were even doing any research in class today... Anyways, unless my group members are really contributing, I generally prefer individual projects.
Got together with Patrick, as usual. Fixed his older entries page. Yea! I thought I had gotten over my jealousy with Madeleine, but reading his older entries again... My jealousy came back. It's so stupid and irrational. I think I need to forbid myself from reading his older entries, but I also want to know more about his past...
Anyways, we had BLTs for lunch at Patrick's dah's (step-dad's). I (unfortunately) haven't had BLTs in a LONG time. They were good. I think I was accidentally a bit rude to his dah, though. I'll have to apologize... Ah, just did on AIM. =P He hasn't replied yet, so maybe he's busy.
We were a bit late on the way home, and I wanted to stop by Walgreen's. Patrick started telling me that I should call my dad to apologize for being late, but I told him that since I never TOLD Dad when I'd be home, it would kinda be silly to call him to tell him I'm late. I mean, the only reason to call rather than just apologize at the door would be if there's something going on where my dad would need an ETA. Anyways, I ended up not going to Walgreen's as well as not calling. I'll go another time.
Had a baked potato, peas and milk for dinner. I've never been a potato person. :( After Ann got home we went to Dairy Queen (actually, Ann didn't want to go). Despite the name and the commercials, I got an All-American Blizzard. Yummy.
^_^ Dad and I were talking a bit about my relationship with Alana. Be warned, I'm actually going to do more than blather here...
***
So, in case I haven't explained it before, I'll brief you on Alana and my age. We are the same age (I was born on September 19th, while she was born on December 9th). See, she's actually Ann's daughter, but her father never had anything to do with her. Ann and Dad met when we were 4 and married when I had just turned 6. (Don't sue me if my facts are wrong. Not that you'd know.) Dad ended up adopting Alana. So, biologically we are step-sisters, legally we are half-sisters, and in reality we are sisters. (According to my mom, we are none of the above. ><; Actually, she'd say that we are step-sisters, but she insists that I not call her my "sister". Whatever.)
When we were younger we would ALWAYS fight. I mean, sisters do that, especially young ones. Eventually we grew out of that, and became more or less indifferent towards each other. Well, at least she's indifferent towards me. It's begun to seem like we can enjoy each other's company again, and that makes me wonderfully happy, but it's also really rare. But she can't share things with me... I mean, we don't have intimacy nor the friendship of sisters. We're so different from each other... I mean, she's a teen, and I'm a self-proclaimed "bigger kid". (When I hear the word "teenager" I always think of glittery eye-shadow, an image which is totally not me.)
Anyways, I won't describe things in detail, for the sake of Alana's privacy, but the weekend Dad, Ann, Patrick and I went camping, Alana had the weekend to her self. When we got back, some things were out of sorts. I had my suspicions, and I eventually asked Alana what happened. She told me "It's none of your business." I would have rather she had lied... I don't understand why, even if we're not friends, she can't at least confide in me as a sister. Maybe it's because she thinks I'm a goodie-goodie. I hope it's not because she thinks I'd tell... The other thing is, if she had just lied to me, I could have just thought it was discomfort in telling me her secrets, but that she told me it was none of my business... That REALLY hurt my feelings. Am I nothing to her? Does she really not care for me at all? Did I make her angry?
It comforts me to think that we might be friends once we both grow up. I mean, even if it's not Maid-of-Honor friendship, I want to be the kind of sisters that go out for lunch together once in a while and laugh and cry about our past and present life. Do you think we will? I don't know... You know, if we went to the same school, even some of the same classes, and we weren't sisters, we probably wouldn't have said more than "excuse me" to each other. We are SO different... It makes me sad.
***
In other news, Dad got a hold of Dr. Lenehrt (sp?) today. Looks like the surgery's gonna be next year, and I probably won't get wired. Some computer x-ray comparison test still needs to come in before we know when for sure. I'm very grateful (especially for the wiring part), but in some part I also wish it was going to be this summer. Besides financial issues, I kinda want to get it done with, and I want Patrick to still be with me to support me. About the financial stuff, though: Dr. Lenehrt has had much success with sending letters to insurance companies explaining that surgeries could not have been done earlier, and extending birth-defect related elective procedure coverage beyond the 19th birthday required by law.
The wiring sounded like a pain in the but, but also like an enjoyable adventure. Like having a blowout in the middle of nowhere. (Well, less than a mile from the Wisconsin Dells, but same dif. I'm not strange at ALL! =P
*crosses my fingers for Patrick's computer* (Forgive that being totally out of the blue, but I don't want to explain now. Anyways, they're problems I almost WISH I had. ^_^;)
OK, maybe that wasn't sucha an amazing entry, but deal.
Had English today. Started on our biographies. My group won't communicate with me.
Nastassja: Who do we want to do.
Group: We're doing Poe.
N: *thinks: well, thanks for giving me a part in deciding; sees the group behind us signing up for Poe*
N: Oh, another group already signed up for Poe. How about Jack London?
G: *looks through book, ignoring my question*
Grr... I'm just gonna do the stupid project on my own. They can do their own if they want. I don't think they were even doing any research in class today... Anyways, unless my group members are really contributing, I generally prefer individual projects.
Got together with Patrick, as usual. Fixed his older entries page. Yea! I thought I had gotten over my jealousy with Madeleine, but reading his older entries again... My jealousy came back. It's so stupid and irrational. I think I need to forbid myself from reading his older entries, but I also want to know more about his past...
Anyways, we had BLTs for lunch at Patrick's dah's (step-dad's). I (unfortunately) haven't had BLTs in a LONG time. They were good. I think I was accidentally a bit rude to his dah, though. I'll have to apologize... Ah, just did on AIM. =P He hasn't replied yet, so maybe he's busy.
We were a bit late on the way home, and I wanted to stop by Walgreen's. Patrick started telling me that I should call my dad to apologize for being late, but I told him that since I never TOLD Dad when I'd be home, it would kinda be silly to call him to tell him I'm late. I mean, the only reason to call rather than just apologize at the door would be if there's something going on where my dad would need an ETA. Anyways, I ended up not going to Walgreen's as well as not calling. I'll go another time.
Had a baked potato, peas and milk for dinner. I've never been a potato person. :( After Ann got home we went to Dairy Queen (actually, Ann didn't want to go). Despite the name and the commercials, I got an All-American Blizzard. Yummy.
^_^ Dad and I were talking a bit about my relationship with Alana. Be warned, I'm actually going to do more than blather here...
So, in case I haven't explained it before, I'll brief you on Alana and my age. We are the same age (I was born on September 19th, while she was born on December 9th). See, she's actually Ann's daughter, but her father never had anything to do with her. Ann and Dad met when we were 4 and married when I had just turned 6. (Don't sue me if my facts are wrong. Not that you'd know.) Dad ended up adopting Alana. So, biologically we are step-sisters, legally we are half-sisters, and in reality we are sisters. (According to my mom, we are none of the above. ><; Actually, she'd say that we are step-sisters, but she insists that I not call her my "sister". Whatever.)
When we were younger we would ALWAYS fight. I mean, sisters do that, especially young ones. Eventually we grew out of that, and became more or less indifferent towards each other. Well, at least she's indifferent towards me. It's begun to seem like we can enjoy each other's company again, and that makes me wonderfully happy, but it's also really rare. But she can't share things with me... I mean, we don't have intimacy nor the friendship of sisters. We're so different from each other... I mean, she's a teen, and I'm a self-proclaimed "bigger kid". (When I hear the word "teenager" I always think of glittery eye-shadow, an image which is totally not me.)
Anyways, I won't describe things in detail, for the sake of Alana's privacy, but the weekend Dad, Ann, Patrick and I went camping, Alana had the weekend to her self. When we got back, some things were out of sorts. I had my suspicions, and I eventually asked Alana what happened. She told me "It's none of your business." I would have rather she had lied... I don't understand why, even if we're not friends, she can't at least confide in me as a sister. Maybe it's because she thinks I'm a goodie-goodie. I hope it's not because she thinks I'd tell... The other thing is, if she had just lied to me, I could have just thought it was discomfort in telling me her secrets, but that she told me it was none of my business... That REALLY hurt my feelings. Am I nothing to her? Does she really not care for me at all? Did I make her angry?
It comforts me to think that we might be friends once we both grow up. I mean, even if it's not Maid-of-Honor friendship, I want to be the kind of sisters that go out for lunch together once in a while and laugh and cry about our past and present life. Do you think we will? I don't know... You know, if we went to the same school, even some of the same classes, and we weren't sisters, we probably wouldn't have said more than "excuse me" to each other. We are SO different... It makes me sad.
In other news, Dad got a hold of Dr. Lenehrt (sp?) today. Looks like the surgery's gonna be next year, and I probably won't get wired. Some computer x-ray comparison test still needs to come in before we know when for sure. I'm very grateful (especially for the wiring part), but in some part I also wish it was going to be this summer. Besides financial issues, I kinda want to get it done with, and I want Patrick to still be with me to support me. About the financial stuff, though: Dr. Lenehrt has had much success with sending letters to insurance companies explaining that surgeries could not have been done earlier, and extending birth-defect related elective procedure coverage beyond the 19th birthday required by law.
The wiring sounded like a pain in the but, but also like an enjoyable adventure. Like having a blowout in the middle of nowhere. (Well, less than a mile from the Wisconsin Dells, but same dif. I'm not strange at ALL! =P
*crosses my fingers for Patrick's computer* (Forgive that being totally out of the blue, but I don't want to explain now. Anyways, they're problems I almost WISH I had. ^_^;)
OK, maybe that wasn't sucha an amazing entry, but deal.