But where's MY BFF?
Feb. 1st, 2010 12:31 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tsukikageYou know, I've never really had a "best friend". Or what I've had has always been one-sided to some degree or another - I knew I considered them to be my best friend at the time, but I also knew they considered me only as a very good friend at best - their best friend was another person. And in any case, that relationship always declined within maybe two or three years. I don't even speak with most of the people I considered to be my best friends anymore.
Well, right now there's one person who, although I don't consider them my "Best Friend" as such, among my friends they're the person I feel I can talk most openly, unreservedly, and enjoyably with. I suppose I might say they're the only friend I feel enjoys spending time and talking with me as much as I do with them. But perhaps because of them kind of feeling like my... truest?... friend right now, it's somewhat painful to see them writing about their relationships with other people in a way that I don't see them write about their relationship with me. Put rather simply, it's jealousy. I suppose it might also be fear that my relationship with this person is going to go down the same path that all my other relationships seem to have gone. Add to that knowing that they're graduating soon and probably leaving the Twin Cities... That just seems all the more of a bad omen.
I don't know, maybe it's my own fault for not nurturing my relationships enough - always placing homework and the like ahead of spending time witih friends. (Ironic since most of the time when I stay home to do homework, I just end up procrastinating and not getting anything done anyway.) I just... While it's true that I do truly enjoy being in a group of people I feel comfortable around, such as dorking out on the Pi Day events I organize or whatever, I really do have a strong yearning for a strong, relaxed, mutual bond I can just... take for granted, I guess. I think that's why I want a boyfriend, and ideally eventual husband, so badly. I figure that's the closest I'm likely to get to what I'm looking for.
Well, right now there's one person who, although I don't consider them my "Best Friend" as such, among my friends they're the person I feel I can talk most openly, unreservedly, and enjoyably with. I suppose I might say they're the only friend I feel enjoys spending time and talking with me as much as I do with them. But perhaps because of them kind of feeling like my... truest?... friend right now, it's somewhat painful to see them writing about their relationships with other people in a way that I don't see them write about their relationship with me. Put rather simply, it's jealousy. I suppose it might also be fear that my relationship with this person is going to go down the same path that all my other relationships seem to have gone. Add to that knowing that they're graduating soon and probably leaving the Twin Cities... That just seems all the more of a bad omen.
I don't know, maybe it's my own fault for not nurturing my relationships enough - always placing homework and the like ahead of spending time witih friends. (Ironic since most of the time when I stay home to do homework, I just end up procrastinating and not getting anything done anyway.) I just... While it's true that I do truly enjoy being in a group of people I feel comfortable around, such as dorking out on the Pi Day events I organize or whatever, I really do have a strong yearning for a strong, relaxed, mutual bond I can just... take for granted, I guess. I think that's why I want a boyfriend, and ideally eventual husband, so badly. I figure that's the closest I'm likely to get to what I'm looking for.
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no subject
Date: 2010-02-01 11:30 pm (UTC)