Why can scammers never write properly?

[tsukikage]

Hello
I need the below listed services in my abandoned house.
JUNK REMOVER
HOUSEHOLD MOVER
DIRT REMOVER
CLEAN UP SERVICE
JUNK REMOVER HAULING
CLEAN
LAWN SERVICE
SCRAPPING/FURNITURE MOVING
DEMOLITION.
I have been away from home over 2 months, am outside the country for
some special project and am almost done with it, so i need the
required services above to be done, so if you do any of the services
listed above , please mail me now, to take proper care and clean the
environment and move things i want removed in the house before i
arrive back home .Its 3 rooms apartment, 1 Sitting
Room,1Bathroom/Toilet and 2 Kitchen. This is all that you have to
clean and tidy up the rest places and move the dirt and also help me
move my loads to my cousins place which i shall provide to you the
address soon.You will please help me in arranging everywhere and clean
the Floor and use your Equipment for that. I need this service
fast,because i have to arrive to the state by next week or in 10 days
time and i want this cleaning/moving/removal/lawn done before then or
when i arrive, i will stay in an Hotel for a Day or 2 days to enable
you do the cleaning and moving and
all of jobs listed above but for safety purpose i will call you as
soon as i arrive in days time, then give you the keys of the House, so
you can do this job while am around. I attached the pictures of myself
and the house . I need your assistance and am Trusting you for
this,cos its not that easy to entrust someone i have not seen in
person, but i believe we all know each other one day and this will
favor you well, cos am a very easy going person and well
understanding. My Boss want to pay me off for the Project that i
attended in CANADA, so he's paying me with U.S Cashier Check/Money
Orders, which can't be cashed here in CANADA. If the
payment(Check/Money Orders) is sent to you, so i want you to deduct
the r required amount for your Advance service charges, then send the
rest fund or sum to my Traveling Agent, cos its for my Flight Ticket
Fees to the states As soon as possible, then keep the remaining
balance for me till i arrive to the states. If
your Location is far from my House, i will pay for your Transport Down
there for the Cleaning and moving and other proper house cleaning to
be neat.
Note:
i want you to know this before giving me your information for the
advance payment prior to my arrival,
1. Can you be doing this for me weekly. (Because i have
another person that also needs the same service but i need
to see your job first)
2. How much will you charge me weekly.
3. Tell me the amount you want to charge weekly forget
about the distance, i will include that in my next mail.
4. I would like to pay you 1 month you 1 month upfront
5. How much will it be for a month. ,so If you are interested doing
this for me, i need the following ,
Details(information) Below:
FULL NAME :
FULL ADDRESS :
CITY:
STATE:
ZIP CODE:
TELEPHONE:
CELL PHONE:
I need this information to issue the check, because i have to do
everything fast and also my Boss is traveling for Business purpose, so
he needs this information so he can issue the check and send it to you
ASAP, immediately he sends the check, i will forward the Courrier
Tracking Number to you and it will Deliver Unfailingly within 3
business days. i want you to do a perfect work in my House. As soon as
the information required from you is sent to me and the payment will
be issued and get to you contact address Asap coz it takes 2-3
business days toget delivered Looking forward to hear from you.
N.B......Plz email me your referee;s information if available.
Thanks.
Rose Michaels

I'm not going to post the picture they attached, but it was rather inappropriate, like it was from a photo shoot.

tl;dr: tl;dr
Plus the whole thing consisting of run-on paragraphs and feeling very much like some contrived scam.