my inner Christian speaking
Jul. 3rd, 2006 11:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tsukikageSailor Moon, and really all series for which I consider myself part of the fandom, is my Golden Calf. In a very real sense, I worship these graven images. If these TV series cause me to sin, shouldn't I cut them out of my life?
And imagine how much better it would be for me if I loved God and poured over the romance of His great stories instead. If have faith in the Lord, shouldn't I be able to recognize that his interactions with heaven and earth hold far more romance than the Sailor Senshi battling against Queen Galaxia? "If only you put half the energy you put into X that you put into Y..."
Of course, returning to my agnostic self, there's always the fact that I don't really want to give up everything I love for a God I don't even firmly believe exists. But what if my worldly attachments such as these are part of what's preventing me from finding faith? What if God isn't entering my heart specifically because I'm hesitating like this? And wouldn't I be happier giving up these worldly attachments whether or not God/gods exist? And at the very least, if I threw away all my fandoms, maybe I'd finally be able to concentrate on school and become the person I've wanted to become since I was in elementary school.
Huh... That makes me think, though... I also get a lot of inspiration from elements of my fandom. I wonder how easily I'd be able to focus on my studies without characters such as Mizuno Ami and Miyazawa Yukino to inspire me? (On the other (religious) side of the coin, I've been thinking that my stubbornness about following the path I want to follow rather than simply working hard where God takes me could be part of the problem.)
I don't want to give up my life for a God that doesn't exist, nor do I want to damn myself because of a lack of belief in a God that does.
But whether or not God exists, it's clear to me that sin exists, and I need to decide for myself, and decide sooner rather than later (when it'll be harder for me to change my habits) what is sin and what isn't.
And imagine how much better it would be for me if I loved God and poured over the romance of His great stories instead. If have faith in the Lord, shouldn't I be able to recognize that his interactions with heaven and earth hold far more romance than the Sailor Senshi battling against Queen Galaxia? "If only you put half the energy you put into X that you put into Y..."
Of course, returning to my agnostic self, there's always the fact that I don't really want to give up everything I love for a God I don't even firmly believe exists. But what if my worldly attachments such as these are part of what's preventing me from finding faith? What if God isn't entering my heart specifically because I'm hesitating like this? And wouldn't I be happier giving up these worldly attachments whether or not God/gods exist? And at the very least, if I threw away all my fandoms, maybe I'd finally be able to concentrate on school and become the person I've wanted to become since I was in elementary school.
Huh... That makes me think, though... I also get a lot of inspiration from elements of my fandom. I wonder how easily I'd be able to focus on my studies without characters such as Mizuno Ami and Miyazawa Yukino to inspire me? (On the other (religious) side of the coin, I've been thinking that my stubbornness about following the path I want to follow rather than simply working hard where God takes me could be part of the problem.)
I don't want to give up my life for a God that doesn't exist, nor do I want to damn myself because of a lack of belief in a God that does.
But whether or not God exists, it's clear to me that sin exists, and I need to decide for myself, and decide sooner rather than later (when it'll be harder for me to change my habits) what is sin and what isn't.
