I Wish I Was A [Gay Guy] contest

[tsukikage]

Okay, do you guys (literally) know the song "I Wish I Was a Lesbian" by Loudon Wainwright? If you don't, download it (there's a wonderful AMV here). Here are the lyrics:

I wish I was a lesbian, and not a hetero.
I wouldn't have to mess with men and all their come and go,
And all that awful facial hair and yucky machis'mo!
Ooooh I wish I were a lesbian and not a hetero!
I wish I was a lesbian and that I wasn't straight.
I would sleep with women only. Man, it would be great!
I could throw away my diaphragm, I wouldn't wanna mate.
Ooooh I wish I was a lesbian, and that I wasn't straight! (Heeey!)
I wish I was a lesbian, I'd like to be a dyke.
I'd sleep with k.d. lang. Mel Gibson, take a hike!
I think it would be nice to love someone who was alike.
Ooooh I wish I was a lesbian, I'd like to be a dyke!
I wish I was a lesbian, that's why this song is sung.
It shouldn't hafta matter how someone is hung.
Other things are more important- like how you use your tongue! (blblblblbl!)
I wish I was a lesbian, that's why this song is sung! (Heeey!)
(I DARE Casey Kasem to play this!)
I wish I was a lesbian, I know it's sad but true.
But maybe I might understand you guys and all you do.
But if I was a lesbian I WOULDN'T HAVE TO!!!
I wish I was a lesbian, I know it's sad but true.
I wish I was a lesbian, and not a hetero.
I wouldn't have to mess with men and all their come and go,
And all that awful facial hair and yucky machis'mo
(I hate that damn machis'mo!)
I wish I was a lesbian and not a hetero!
I wish I was a lesbian and not a hetero!
I wish I was a lesbian and not a hetero!

Well, here's my challenge to all you straight guys (and lesbians, I suppose):
I want you to change the song to reflect a guy's perspective. I'm going to screen all comments to this entry, and then post people's replies one week from now (on Sunday, February 5th).