Make friends, not lovers. Becoming lovers will take care of itself. The most important thing is to become friends. One friend of mine made it a rule never to end an evening without having learned at least one important thing about the girl he was with and having shared at least one important thing from his own life.
The main reason for going out ought to be getting to know each other. Therefore, your main activity shouldn't be making out, watching movies, eating expensive (or cheap) meals, or even having fun. The main activity should be talking.
Creativity helps. Building a bookshelf together on a Saturday is a cheaper and more helpful activity than sitting in a dark theater for two hours listening to someone else talk.
Often, being in a group or with another couple, is a much better environment for getting acquainted than the formal, tense problem of creating five hours of face-to-face conversation. No wonder so many turn to making out. It means they don't have to talk.
Stay balanced. Love wants to take over your life. It claims to be the only thing worthwhile, so couples often give up everything else, including outside friendships. But they usually discover that love by itself becomes too intense and too ingrown. Make a conscious effort to continue the rest of your life: other friends, other activities, time with God, time with family. Don't put them in competition with your romance, or you'll end up splitting yourself in two. And if the romance dies, you'll be left with nothing.
Resist infatuation. Love generally lies, trying to convince you that your partner is the only one in the world. He lies the most to people who haven't gone out much. As a rule, try to spend some time with other members of the opposite sex, especially when you feel those early waves of infatuation coming on. Dating someone else a time or two tends to provide perspective, but at the least, a long talk in the cafeteria with someone else will help.
Let commitments form naturally. It's natural to become more committed as the relationship grows. The trouble is, love pushes you into more than you're ready for. Making out increases your commitment. Be cautious of what you "say" with your hands. The same goes for saying things such as "I love you." They're potent words. I think we ought to keep them as potent as possible by reserving them for very special cases.
And going together? I don't see a need for any verbal agreement. Going together usually comes naturally in its own time. But why push jealously for it when at least one of you would just as soon be experiencing more variety? Let natural selection lead you to "go together."
Don't hang on for security's sake. It's hard to break up a comfortable relationship and begin something new. But going out with a variety of people is invaluable experience, and few things are worse than nursing a relationship that's become boring and dead.
After things get weird and you split up, remember your responsibility to continue a loving friendship.
Yeah, this pamphlet has a lot more in it that it would be good for me to remember, but for the time being, I think this is what I need to keep in mind the most. (Although I will say that's it's important to have fun on dates, too. After all, if they're supposed to be your friend, no one likes to not have fun with friends.)
*smiles*
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