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[DL] IB and Maybe Stalker Bath
Oct. 2nd, 2003 10:49 amWhomped the Japanese test yesterday. After double-checking my answers I was the first to turn my test in. At the same time, if I get my test back and find out I made some stupid mistake, I'm going to be so angry at myself. Vanity is no excuse for carelessness, ne?
Dad talked to me about my e-mail this morning. Basically, he thinks Im totally wrong-headed, and he hopes he's wrong, but he 's not going to manage my education foor me anymore. He says it's just too stressful for him.
It makes me sad, because I think I hurt him... I know he still cares - he says it hurts him so to see me so stressed out - but almost wish he didn't. That way I wouldn't feel so guilty about it... And... does that mean he will no longer hold me when I cry and when I feel I can't take it any longer? I guess I want him to just hold me and help me re-gather my strength. Or, I don't know what I want.
Then there's the situation with Thomas. Thomas is this really scary kid at my school who is known to have anger management problems. True rumor, false rumor and caution surrounding him are melded into one, so it's impossible to know how to handle him. A number of people have said that he has stalked them, etc.
Last year I started talking to him on the bus. I figured that maybe people are just too scared of him and someone just needs to let down their guard. Maybe that is true, and no one really has. Anyways, This summer I saw him on the bus on the way home from *gag* summer school. He asked for my number and I gave him a false one, as well as my true e-mail address. I'm ok dealing with him on my time, but I want to be able to control how much this guy is in my life. Anyways, he also gave me his phone number and asked for me to call him some time.
In the first week of school he asked me why I hadn't called him this summer, and I told him that I had too much to do with my Extended Essay, etc. I didn't want to hurt his feelings by telling him I didn't want to call him. Not to mention, I was scared that he'd get angry about it... Then again I saw him on the bus and he sat beside me to talk to me. Again he asked me why I never call, and I said that I was busy with school, etc., and he seemed to understand.
Then he suggested that we get together some time.
The whole point of this is that I wanted to distance myself from him. I'd be ok being his acquaintance, but I want to be NO more than that. He scares me... My plan seems to have failed, and I need to tell him the truth, I think.
I called Patrick and he wasn't much help. He basically criticized me for lying in the first place, and said he didn't much care to help me out of this situation. God, that pissed me off. I mean, he certainly has no responsibility to help me, but... Let's just say that if another situation came up like this, I would have made the same decision. I just think that my decision happened not to work out this time. Besides, why does he have to be so righteous. If you love someone, aren't you supposed to have patience with them and always try to help them?
This thing also kind of worries me. Either A) he is growing impatient with me and I need to modify my interactions with him; B) I'm finding that he's not the kind of person I want; or C) he's having male PMS. I really hope it's C... This hurts me...
But going back to what I was originally talking about... I think I'm going to write Thomas a careful letter tonight (or sometime soon) explaining that he makes me uncomfortable, and that I'd be glad to talk to him in school and be his acquaintance, but I don't want to be more than that. The trouble will lie in saying it so that he won't give up on making friends, as well as so that he can learn something from my letter. But most important is my own comfort (I think). I'm going to write it really nicely and thoughtfully so that he'll know it's not just a brush-off. Maybe I'll use my new stationary. ^_^
Conferences are tonight. Went to the office to figure out when mine were, since they never got mailed to me, and I had ones schedule for all but Mrs. Haug's class. She said she needed to talk to my Dad, which is certainly bad news. Not that I don't know what that bad news is; it's just the details I don't know. I half wish I could go, and I'm half grateful I'm not. Anyways, since she was over-booked and I didn't get scheduled for a conference with her, she said she would stay after conferences to talk to him. (She prefered before conferences, but Dad can't leave work early.)
Dad's also going to talk to Ms. Landreau, my history teacher and the IB coordinator. That oughta be interesting... Dad's wondering why she let me stay in IB when they had a meeting to not let me stay if I didn't do well last year. Either she doesn't know the whole situation (which could mean bad news for me), or Dad's going to be peeved. I wonder if my EE draft not being turned in is going to come up... ><;
Maybe I will go to MAS tonight after all. I really need to wind down. Someone, please talk me out of it. I have way to much English work to do... (How ironic.)
Lunch bell. Jaa mata.
Dad talked to me about my e-mail this morning. Basically, he thinks Im totally wrong-headed, and he hopes he's wrong, but he 's not going to manage my education foor me anymore. He says it's just too stressful for him.
It makes me sad, because I think I hurt him... I know he still cares - he says it hurts him so to see me so stressed out - but almost wish he didn't. That way I wouldn't feel so guilty about it... And... does that mean he will no longer hold me when I cry and when I feel I can't take it any longer? I guess I want him to just hold me and help me re-gather my strength. Or, I don't know what I want.
Then there's the situation with Thomas. Thomas is this really scary kid at my school who is known to have anger management problems. True rumor, false rumor and caution surrounding him are melded into one, so it's impossible to know how to handle him. A number of people have said that he has stalked them, etc.
Last year I started talking to him on the bus. I figured that maybe people are just too scared of him and someone just needs to let down their guard. Maybe that is true, and no one really has. Anyways, This summer I saw him on the bus on the way home from *gag* summer school. He asked for my number and I gave him a false one, as well as my true e-mail address. I'm ok dealing with him on my time, but I want to be able to control how much this guy is in my life. Anyways, he also gave me his phone number and asked for me to call him some time.
In the first week of school he asked me why I hadn't called him this summer, and I told him that I had too much to do with my Extended Essay, etc. I didn't want to hurt his feelings by telling him I didn't want to call him. Not to mention, I was scared that he'd get angry about it... Then again I saw him on the bus and he sat beside me to talk to me. Again he asked me why I never call, and I said that I was busy with school, etc., and he seemed to understand.
Then he suggested that we get together some time.
The whole point of this is that I wanted to distance myself from him. I'd be ok being his acquaintance, but I want to be NO more than that. He scares me... My plan seems to have failed, and I need to tell him the truth, I think.
I called Patrick and he wasn't much help. He basically criticized me for lying in the first place, and said he didn't much care to help me out of this situation. God, that pissed me off. I mean, he certainly has no responsibility to help me, but... Let's just say that if another situation came up like this, I would have made the same decision. I just think that my decision happened not to work out this time. Besides, why does he have to be so righteous. If you love someone, aren't you supposed to have patience with them and always try to help them?
This thing also kind of worries me. Either A) he is growing impatient with me and I need to modify my interactions with him; B) I'm finding that he's not the kind of person I want; or C) he's having male PMS. I really hope it's C... This hurts me...
But going back to what I was originally talking about... I think I'm going to write Thomas a careful letter tonight (or sometime soon) explaining that he makes me uncomfortable, and that I'd be glad to talk to him in school and be his acquaintance, but I don't want to be more than that. The trouble will lie in saying it so that he won't give up on making friends, as well as so that he can learn something from my letter. But most important is my own comfort (I think). I'm going to write it really nicely and thoughtfully so that he'll know it's not just a brush-off. Maybe I'll use my new stationary. ^_^
Conferences are tonight. Went to the office to figure out when mine were, since they never got mailed to me, and I had ones schedule for all but Mrs. Haug's class. She said she needed to talk to my Dad, which is certainly bad news. Not that I don't know what that bad news is; it's just the details I don't know. I half wish I could go, and I'm half grateful I'm not. Anyways, since she was over-booked and I didn't get scheduled for a conference with her, she said she would stay after conferences to talk to him. (She prefered before conferences, but Dad can't leave work early.)
Dad's also going to talk to Ms. Landreau, my history teacher and the IB coordinator. That oughta be interesting... Dad's wondering why she let me stay in IB when they had a meeting to not let me stay if I didn't do well last year. Either she doesn't know the whole situation (which could mean bad news for me), or Dad's going to be peeved. I wonder if my EE draft not being turned in is going to come up... ><;
Maybe I will go to MAS tonight after all. I really need to wind down. Someone, please talk me out of it. I have way to much English work to do... (How ironic.)
Lunch bell. Jaa mata.