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[DL] long entry, part 1
Jun. 3rd, 2003 10:29 amWell, I'm back.
*sighs a heavy sigh of relief/frustration/fear/lonesomeness/anxiety/restlessness*
I have so much o talk about...
***
Well, first, Patrick and I have decided not to break up. I didn't want to post about it until we had things worked out... At the senior assembly last Friday I realized that, even though I am less than four months from becoming an adult, I haven't grown up a bit. I'm still totally irresponsible, in a number of ways. I guess you could say I'm spoiled...
But why did this make me want to break up with him? I'm actually not quite sure... Maybe because I felt that having a boyfriend is a privelege (sp?) that is earned with maturity. Maybe because I didn't want to drag him down. Maybe because I felt that I couldn't be in an adult relationship (although, in some ways, we can't truly expect it to be - we're both 17!). Maybe because he was too much of a painful foil to my own life.
More tangibly (if I used that right), I felt guilty for not being able to get together with him because I had to work on overdue homework, or not asking my dad if we could get together because I was afraid he'd say no. (Not that he normally says no, but if there was some circumstance that would make it less likely that he'd let me.)
Anyways, I called him and told him I was thinking that we should break up, and he basically said it was up to me.
(What is it with guys? Don't they get that they're supposed to tell us "No! You're my only love! You're being silly and you're the most beautiful and mature and wonderful person I've ever met! DON'T LEAVE ME!!! =P
me <-- is silly ^_^; )
I thought about it some more over the weekend, and since, other than the "painful foil" thing, the only actual harm that could be done would be to him. I asked him (without telling him that this would be how I would make my decision) whether, if he honestly could, he would rather be with someone who didn't complain about not doing their schoolwork, who didn't have to stay home on weekends doing old homework, and who wasn't afraid to ask their parents if they could get together. If he would honstly be happier that way. I wanted him to honestly think about it.
His reply was something along the lines of he would rather _I_ be more responsible in those respects, but that he made a decision a long time ago to accept those as my human faults. He had already dealt with these questions, and decided they weren't worth asking.
He kinda ditched the actual question, but I figured that was answer enough. Besides, I wasn't complaining! ^_^
I honestly do believe I love him. And I would miss him so much if we broke up...
***
So, I was working on my history paper this weekend. (As a forwarning (sp?), it didn't turn out so hot...)
g2g - class needs the comps
*sighs a heavy sigh of relief/frustration/fear/lonesomeness/anxiety/restlessness*
I have so much o talk about...
Well, first, Patrick and I have decided not to break up. I didn't want to post about it until we had things worked out... At the senior assembly last Friday I realized that, even though I am less than four months from becoming an adult, I haven't grown up a bit. I'm still totally irresponsible, in a number of ways. I guess you could say I'm spoiled...
But why did this make me want to break up with him? I'm actually not quite sure... Maybe because I felt that having a boyfriend is a privelege (sp?) that is earned with maturity. Maybe because I didn't want to drag him down. Maybe because I felt that I couldn't be in an adult relationship (although, in some ways, we can't truly expect it to be - we're both 17!). Maybe because he was too much of a painful foil to my own life.
More tangibly (if I used that right), I felt guilty for not being able to get together with him because I had to work on overdue homework, or not asking my dad if we could get together because I was afraid he'd say no. (Not that he normally says no, but if there was some circumstance that would make it less likely that he'd let me.)
Anyways, I called him and told him I was thinking that we should break up, and he basically said it was up to me.
(What is it with guys? Don't they get that they're supposed to tell us "No! You're my only love! You're being silly and you're the most beautiful and mature and wonderful person I've ever met! DON'T LEAVE ME!!! =P
me <-- is silly ^_^; )
I thought about it some more over the weekend, and since, other than the "painful foil" thing, the only actual harm that could be done would be to him. I asked him (without telling him that this would be how I would make my decision) whether, if he honestly could, he would rather be with someone who didn't complain about not doing their schoolwork, who didn't have to stay home on weekends doing old homework, and who wasn't afraid to ask their parents if they could get together. If he would honstly be happier that way. I wanted him to honestly think about it.
His reply was something along the lines of he would rather _I_ be more responsible in those respects, but that he made a decision a long time ago to accept those as my human faults. He had already dealt with these questions, and decided they weren't worth asking.
He kinda ditched the actual question, but I figured that was answer enough. Besides, I wasn't complaining! ^_^
I honestly do believe I love him. And I would miss him so much if we broke up...
So, I was working on my history paper this weekend. (As a forwarning (sp?), it didn't turn out so hot...)
g2g - class needs the comps