so much to say, so little time...
Mar. 3rd, 2004 01:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tsukikageI really have SO much to say. I wish I could just hook my brain up to the computer and just dump it into a text file. I suppose I would want to edit it, but then again, if I didn't you'd have a better impression of how scattered I'm feeling right now. (Jupi-chan, can you tell me a bit about that voice program you use? I'm thinking I could really use something like that...)
Utada Hikaru - Addicted to You (Up in Heaven mix) is on. I don't know why, but Hikki always makes me feel at least a little bit better... Especially her more upbeat songs.
Anyways. Erm... Now that my dad knows, I think I'll open up yesterday's post (also here) so you have SOME kind of background. So... Around the time that I wrote that I was talking to Pat on AIM. To make a long story less long, I told him that I was going to sign off (it was maybe 6pm?) and go straight home. I didn't. (I meant to, though.)
When I finally tore myself away from the comp (around 9pm) I went to the payphone to call Pat. Told him I was at home. He needed to do something quickly, so he asked if he could call me back. I insisted that I would call him back, saying that my parents were asleep. When I tried to leave to catch the bus (I told him I had to get back to my homework) he asked me to stay just a little longer. I had to tell him the truth. He quickly let me go, but in a kind of... peppy... tone of voice. Much different than the tone of voice he used when I called him from home.
him: "Is there anything on your conscience?"
me: (silence)
We had a long conversation about lying, trust, facing reality, my embarassment, my regrets, the fact that he loves me no matter my failures, and all the things I've been dealing with lately. At the end of the conversation I told him that I would drop out of Phys1301W. Which I did. I am now only taking 15 credits. For better or for worse, I am trying to move past my pain and pride. (Although I still insist that I'd be fine if it weren't for the labs... Regardless of overall grade, less than a 60% on the labs and you fail.) I even told my dad that I dropped it. Now THAT'S letting go of pride. He seems to not be making a big deal of it...
Between going home and calling Pat, I tried to sneak into the house without being noticed. I think Dad was staying up for me. He thinks I'm purposefully blowing off my psych-related appointments. I'm not.
He also is going to try not to make his "lighten up on yourself or you're going to burn out" rants, since they haven't done any good and cause us both stress.
Why is it that we listen to our significant others, but not the parents who've known us and taken care of us our whole lives? Maybe because we take our parents for granted... They'll be there for us no matter what. And they won't go away no matter what. Annoying buggers, aren't they? Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.
I'll post more later, but right now I'm hungry, and I can't think of what to say next, so the hunger wins.
Utada Hikaru - Addicted to You (Up in Heaven mix) is on. I don't know why, but Hikki always makes me feel at least a little bit better... Especially her more upbeat songs.
Anyways. Erm... Now that my dad knows, I think I'll open up yesterday's post (also here) so you have SOME kind of background. So... Around the time that I wrote that I was talking to Pat on AIM. To make a long story less long, I told him that I was going to sign off (it was maybe 6pm?) and go straight home. I didn't. (I meant to, though.)
When I finally tore myself away from the comp (around 9pm) I went to the payphone to call Pat. Told him I was at home. He needed to do something quickly, so he asked if he could call me back. I insisted that I would call him back, saying that my parents were asleep. When I tried to leave to catch the bus (I told him I had to get back to my homework) he asked me to stay just a little longer. I had to tell him the truth. He quickly let me go, but in a kind of... peppy... tone of voice. Much different than the tone of voice he used when I called him from home.
him: "Is there anything on your conscience?"
me: (silence)
We had a long conversation about lying, trust, facing reality, my embarassment, my regrets, the fact that he loves me no matter my failures, and all the things I've been dealing with lately. At the end of the conversation I told him that I would drop out of Phys1301W. Which I did. I am now only taking 15 credits. For better or for worse, I am trying to move past my pain and pride. (Although I still insist that I'd be fine if it weren't for the labs... Regardless of overall grade, less than a 60% on the labs and you fail.) I even told my dad that I dropped it. Now THAT'S letting go of pride. He seems to not be making a big deal of it...
Between going home and calling Pat, I tried to sneak into the house without being noticed. I think Dad was staying up for me. He thinks I'm purposefully blowing off my psych-related appointments. I'm not.
He also is going to try not to make his "lighten up on yourself or you're going to burn out" rants, since they haven't done any good and cause us both stress.
Why is it that we listen to our significant others, but not the parents who've known us and taken care of us our whole lives? Maybe because we take our parents for granted... They'll be there for us no matter what. And they won't go away no matter what. Annoying buggers, aren't they? Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.
I'll post more later, but right now I'm hungry, and I can't think of what to say next, so the hunger wins.
